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@ -7,10 +7,12 @@ tags: ["ai", "humor", "news", "satire"]
---
ChatGPT... wow. It's great at spitting out mounds of realistic-sounding sentences even with the most absurd prompts. You know what that means! Time to imitate *The Onion*.
ChatGPT... wow. It's great at spitting out mounds of realistic-sounding sentences even with the most absurd prompts. You know what that means: time to imitate *The Onion*!
On the other hand, ChatGPT isn't creative enough to come up with article topics, so I thought of some frivolous ideas and generated the articles with prompts starting with "Write a long, detailed, highly exaggerated and farcical news article about...".
And to trip you up, one of the ten articles I generated actually begins with an actual *The Onion* article! However, *The Onion* articles are usually very short, so I used ChatGPT to write some more about the topic. Can you identify which article is the real fake news?
## Programmers being trapped inside Vim and unable to exit
@ -131,3 +133,113 @@ Despite the controversy, however, the Biden administration has made it clear tha
The ceremony concluded with a traditional Native American dance performed by a group of tribal elders, followed by a 21-gun salute and a flyover by the Blue Angels. Trump himself was not in attendance, but sources close to him say that he is "thrilled and humbled" by the honor, and plans to make the most of his new role as national animal.
Only time will tell what the future holds for Donald Trump and the United States, but one thing is certain: the country will never be the same again.
## Netflix obtaining its movies through torrenting
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that Netflix, the world's largest streaming platform, has been obtaining its movies and television shows through illegal torrenting sites.
According to sources close to the company, Netflix executives have been secretly downloading movies and television shows from popular torrenting sites such as The Pirate Bay and KickassTorrents for years.
This revelation has sent shockwaves throughout the entertainment industry, with many questioning the legality and ethics of Netflix's actions.
But it seems that the company has no plans to stop its illicit activities anytime soon. In fact, insiders claim that Netflix has even set up a dedicated team of "torrenting experts" to scour the darkest corners of the internet for the latest releases.
But it's not just the movie and television industry that has been affected by Netflix's actions. In a bizarre twist, it has also been revealed that the streaming giant has been downloading books, music, and even video games through torrenting sites.
Many are now calling for Netflix to be held accountable for its actions, with some even calling for the company to be shut down entirely.
Despite the backlash, Netflix remains defiant. In a statement to the press, a spokesperson for the company defended their actions, saying: "We are constantly looking for new and innovative ways to bring the best content to our subscribers. If that means using torrenting sites to obtain movies and television shows, then so be it."
It remains to be seen how this situation will play out, but one thing is for certain: the future of Netflix, and the entertainment industry as a whole, hangs in the balance.
## Apple acquiring Apple in a historic $3 trillion deal
Sending shock waves through Wall Street with the once-in-a-generation acquisition, Apple revealed Wednesday that it had purchased tech giant Apple in a historic $3 trillion deal.
"We’ve been fans of what Apple has been doing for quite some time, and we think Apple’s values and mission really align with our own," Apple CEO Tim Cook said at a press conference concerning the landmark transaction, in which he stressed that despite the large price tag, he had been convinced of the deal’s prudence during several reassuring conversations with Apple CEO Tim Cook. "I’m absolutely sure that Apple’s devotion to smartphones and wearables will really make this a very simpatico relationship. Frankly, we don’t know who’s benefiting more from this deal." At press time, Tim Cook had thanked investors and briefly left the microphone to allow Apple CEO Tim Cook to say a few words about the sale.
The merger, which is believed to be the largest in corporate history, came as a surprise to many industry insiders, who had long speculated that Apple would eventually acquire rival tech company Samsung. However, Apple executives had apparently been working behind the scenes for months to secure the deal, which will see the iconic Apple logo adorn Apple’s flagship products, from smartphones to laptops to smartwatches.
"We’re thrilled to be joining forces with Apple, and we’re confident that this partnership will unlock a world of new possibilities," Apple CEO Tim Cook said in a statement. "We’re excited to take Apple’s cutting-edge technology and combine it with our own innovative designs to create even better products for our customers."
The acquisition also marks a major milestone for Apple, which has been on a mission to become the world’s most valuable company. With the addition of Apple to its portfolio, Apple’s market capitalization is expected to skyrocket to over $3 trillion, making it the first company to ever achieve such a feat.
"We’re honored to be the first company to hit this milestone, and we’re committed to continuing to push the boundaries of what’s possible in the tech industry," Cook said.
The acquisition has already sparked speculation about what the future holds for the newly-merged company. Some have suggested that the two companies will combine their expertise to create a new generation of Apple products that are even more advanced and feature-packed than before. Others have posited that the deal could pave the way for Apple to enter new markets, such as healthcare or finance, and disrupt those industries with its innovative technology.
"We’re excited to see what the future holds for Apple and Apple," Cook said. "Together, we’re stronger than ever, and we’re ready to take on whatever challenges the world throws our way."
## Elon Musk marrying a fictional anime character
In a shocking turn of events, billionaire entrepreneur and tech mogul Elon Musk has announced that he is marrying none other than fictional anime character Sakura Kinomoto from the popular anime and manga series "Cardcaptor Sakura."
The news has sent shockwaves throughout the world, as many fans of both Musk and Sakura were stunned to learn of their relationship. According to sources close to the couple, Musk and Sakura have been dating for several months and decided to take the next step in their relationship by getting married.
The ceremony will take place on a private island in the Caribbean, and will be attended by a select group of friends and family. Rumor has it that Musk has hired a team of animators to create a holographic version of Sakura for the ceremony, so that she can be present in physical form.
The couple has faced some criticism for their unconventional relationship, but both Musk and Sakura have remained defiant. "Love knows no bounds," Musk stated in a recent interview. "And I am more than happy to spend the rest of my life with the love of my life, even if she is a fictional anime character."
Sakura, for her part, has expressed her excitement and happiness at the prospect of marrying Musk. "Elon is an amazing man and I am so lucky to have him in my life," she said in a statement. "I can't wait to be his wife and start our life together."
The couple has not yet revealed any details about their honeymoon plans, but sources say that they are planning an extended trip to Mars on Musk's SpaceX rocket. "Sakura has always wanted to visit Mars, and I want to make her dreams come true," Musk explained.
Despite the criticism and skepticism, Musk and Sakura remain confident in their love and commitment to each other. "We may be an unconventional couple, but our love is real and we are excited to start our new life together," Sakura said.
The world will be watching as Elon Musk marries Sakura Kinomoto in a groundbreaking ceremony that is sure to be the talk of the town for years to come.
## Massive data breach that leaked millions of prime numbers
In a shocking turn of events, it has been revealed that a massive data breach has occurred, leaking millions of highly coveted prime numbers.
The breach, which occurred late last night, was carried out by a group of unknown hackers who managed to infiltrate the highly secure database of the National Prime Numbers Institute (NPNI).
According to sources, the hackers managed to steal over two million prime numbers, including some of the most sought after and valuable ones in existence.
The news of the breach has sent shockwaves throughout the mathematical community, with many experts expressing their disbelief and outrage at the audacity of the hackers.
"This is an absolute disaster," said Dr. Samantha Roberts, a leading mathematician at the NPNI. "These prime numbers are incredibly valuable, and their theft has potentially disastrous consequences for the mathematical community as a whole."
According to sources, the hackers managed to gain access to the database by using a highly sophisticated algorithm that was able to bypass the Institute's state-of-the-art security measures.
Once they had gained access, the hackers reportedly spent hours scouring the database, stealing as many prime numbers as they could before making their escape.
"It's truly a nightmare scenario," said Dr. Roberts. "We had no idea that our security measures could be so easily breached. It just goes to show how vulnerable we all are to the threat of cyber attacks."
As of now, the NPNI has issued a statement pledging to cooperate fully with the authorities in order to bring the perpetrators to justice.
"We are deeply saddened by this breach, and we will do everything in our power to bring the perpetrators to justice," said the statement. "We will also be working tirelessly to secure our database and prevent any further breaches from occurring in the future."
The news of the breach has sparked widespread concern among the mathematical community, with many experts expressing their fear that the stolen prime numbers could be used for nefarious purposes.
"These prime numbers are incredibly valuable, and their theft could potentially have far-reaching consequences," said Dr. Roberts. "We can only hope that the authorities are able to track down the hackers and prevent any further damage from being done."
As the investigation continues, the mathematical community remains on high alert, praying that the perpetrators will be brought to justice and that the stolen prime numbers will be recovered before it's too late.
## Donald Knuth proving P equals NP by executing all computer scientists who disagree
In a stunning turn of events, renowned computer scientist Donald Knuth has proved that P equals NP by executing all who disagree with him.
The world of computer science was in shock as Knuth, known for his work on algorithms and complexity theory, took to the stage at a recent conference and announced that he had finally proved the longstanding P vs NP problem.
But the real shock came when Knuth revealed his method for proving the problem - executing all computer scientists who dared to disagree with him.
"I have long been frustrated with the lack of progress on the P vs NP problem," Knuth explained in his keynote speech. "And after years of contemplation, I realized that the only way to truly prove it was to eliminate all opposition."
With that, Knuth pulled out a large, shiny machine gun and began firing at the stunned audience. Chaos ensued as conference attendees scrambled for cover, but it was too late for many as Knuth ruthlessly mowed them down.
As the dust settled, it was clear that Knuth had achieved his goal - there was no one left to dispute his proof.
"I have proved that P equals NP once and for all," Knuth declared, holding up a blood-stained whiteboard with his proof written on it. "And now, the world of computer science will never be the same."
But not everyone was convinced by Knuth's proof. "I think it's highly exaggerated and farcical," said one computer scientist who managed to escape the conference unscathed. "And I'm pretty sure it's not even mathematically rigorous."
Despite the criticism, Knuth remains unrepentant. "I will continue to execute anyone who dares to challenge my proof," he warned. "For the good of computer science, of course."
The world watches in fear as Knuth continues his reign of terror, proving once and for all that P equals NP.