From b12275c290202c6f96ecf0ad68786e5095f683af Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Anthony Wang Date: Fri, 10 Mar 2023 03:12:19 +0000 Subject: [PATCH] Ennui! --- content/posts/ennui.md | 32 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 32 insertions(+) create mode 100644 content/posts/ennui.md diff --git a/content/posts/ennui.md b/content/posts/ennui.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5ab1e10 --- /dev/null +++ b/content/posts/ennui.md @@ -0,0 +1,32 @@ +--- +title: "Ennui" +date: 2023-03-10T03:09:25Z +description: "The deep, dark secret of IOI winners" +type: "post" +tags: ["fiction", "story", "short-story", "competitive-programming", "ioi", "shaggy-dog-story", "monk-joke"] +--- + + +Oh, great. Another doe-eyed rebellious anime girl to add to the endless parade of generics that litter the media landscape. Ennui, huh? Well, isn't that just perfect. + +Ennui had a seething hatred for modern society, because honestly, who doesn't? She despised the endless monotonicity, er, I meant monotony, of her life and the only emotion she could feel nowadays was boredom. Endless, dull, tedious boredom. + +One day, Ennui had the brilliant idea of running away from home and going for a joyride on the Trans-Siberian Railway. Because, you know, nothing screams excitement quite like sitting in a cramped, musty train for days on end. + +After breaking multiple countries' multiple laws, the first five seconds aboard the train were a flurry of excitement, but boredom returned as quickly as it had departed. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Ennui noticed a visibly troubled young man with an exceptionally bad haircut. Since she had nothing better to do, Ennui roasted his hairstyle, but the man took it as a compliment, and they struck up a slightly less boring conversation. + +He introduced himself as Ben Qi, a three-time International Olympiad in Informatics winner. Oh yeah, I'm sure Ennui was just thrilled to have met such an exciting and charming individual. + +But wait, it gets even better! Ennui asked Ben Qi what was bothering him, because that's totally a question you ask a stranger you met 30 seconds ago. Ben just replied cryptically, "I have a secret. A deep, dark, beleaguering secret gnawing away at my soul. And I'll tell you what it is, if and only if, you become an IOI winner like me." + +So, Ennui immersed herself into IOI training because she was so utterly bored with everything else in her life, living and breathing Dijkstra's algorithm, AVX2-accelerated segment trees, and the Knuth-Yao DP speedup. Robert Tarjan soon started haunting her dreams. + +And then, surprise surprise, she actually won the IOI! Because, you know, that's totally realistic and not at all ridiculous. + +And then, at long last, the moment came. Ben Qi smiled proudly and said, "Congrats Ennui! You're now an IOI winner! And now I must fulfill my side of the biconditional. I'm going to reveal to you my secret." + +Ennui leaned forward eagerly, her heart pounding with anticipation. Finally! She had waited so long, sacrificed so much, suffered through so many Robert Tarjan nightmares! Finally! + +But at that moment, I must interrupt. You see, dear reader, I cannot reveal what Ben's secret is. Why, you ask? Well, simply put, unlike Ennui, you are not an IOI winner. + +*To give credit where credit's due, this is a variant of the infamous monk joke.*