Publish the old hangry guide to MIT dining

content/posts/hangry-guide-to-mit-dining.md

@@ -1,16 +1,15 @@
 ---
 title: "The Hangry Guide to MIT Dining"
 date: 2023-03-20T12:58:00-04:00
-draft: true
 description: "A very unbiased guide to the MIT dining halls"
 type: "post"
 tags: ["mit", "fun", "food"]
 ---
 
 
-> *You are going to simulate an epic, highly exaggerated, and sarcastic text-based adventure game called Next Dining: The Video Game. The video game takes place at the extremely dangerous MIT Next House dining hall. The dining hall is very scary and any wrong step will kill me. The antagonists are the extremely evil and malicious chefs, named Soup Nazi, Halloween Lady, and Good Evening Lady. Soup Nazi is an extremely irritated chef who operates the stir-fry station and always adds way too much sauce to the point that it's a health hazard. The Halloween Lady jumpscares me at completely random times, which is fatal. The Good Evening Lady forces me to say Good Evening when I run into her, and will kick me out of the dining hall if I don't. The chefs are very evil and never act nice or help me. At any time, if I die, starve, get killed, or get kicked out, the game ends.*
+*Note: These ratings are probably not accurate anymore, especially since Maseeh has improved infinitely and is no longer a biohazard.*
 
-Few topics are as controversial, emotionally riveting, and politically flavored as the Five Great Dining Halls of MIT (screw you, Maseeh). Countless critics have perished in their valiant attempts to tame the dragon that is MIT dining, but I have persevered and lived to tell you this tale. Let's get started!
+Few topics are as controversial, emotionally riveting, and politically flavored as the Five Great Dining Halls of MIT, namely New Vassar, Baker, Next House, McCormick, and Simmons (screw you, Maseeh). Countless critics have perished in their valiant attempts to tame the dragon that is MIT dining, but I have persevered and lived to tell you this tale. Let's get started!
 
 But before we begin, we need to be very, very scientific and introduce a scientifically-proven rating system. We will rate dining halls and their grub in the interval (-∞, -∞) (usually [0, 14]), where the rating is the amount of money I would pay to eat an infinite supply of that food for one meal. For instance, pork intestines are -100 because you would have to pay me $100 to eat only pork intestines for a meal. Simple as that. In addition, we commonly refer to foods below 7 as "acidic" and those above 7 as "basic" (since basic foods are based). Highly scientific, you see.
 
@@ -28,7 +27,7 @@ Well, we don't talk about Maseeh Tuesdays.
 
 Wait, you want to know why? OK fine, here's why. And don't complain about being scarred for life after hearing this. You have been warned.
 
-**Maseeh Tuesdays are Earth's constant-factor approximation of hell. Maseeh Tuesdays prove that there is no justice in the universe, only evil and suffering. Eating Maseeh Tuesdays is like taking a bubble bath in pure sulfuric acid. That's how acidic it is. There's this superacid called helonium that consists of hydrogen bonded to helium so that this molecule instantly donates a proton, giving it a pH of around -50. Maseeh Tuesdays are way more acidic than that. In fact, for any finitely acidic food you can name, Maseeh Tuesdays are probably worse than that.**
+**Maseeh Tuesdays are Earth's constant-factor approximation of hell. Maseeh Tuesdays prove that there is no justice in the universe, only evil and suffering. Eating Maseeh Tuesdays is like taking a bubble bath in pure sulfuric acid. That's how acidic it is. Actually no, it's way worse. There's this superacid called helonium that consists of hydrogen bonded to helium so that this molecule instantly donates a proton, giving it a pH of around -50. Maseeh Tuesdays are way more acidic than that. In fact, for any finitely acidic food you can name, Maseeh Tuesdays are probably worse than that.**
 
 So yeah. Other classic Maseeh traps to avoid: 1) The pizzas, which they paint grease on top of using a paintbrush. 2) The yellow rice, which tastes like detergent, because everyone who gets it immediately vomits and throws the rest of their rice away, so Maseeh collects all the thrown away rice and washes it and serves it next week. 3) The chicken, which sometimes tastes like it was cut out of a rubber chicken mask. 4) The frozensets (ice cream), which have hair and fingerprints inside them. 5) The bananas, which are always segfaulting. 6) The sandcastle deserts, which tastes like fresh silica harvested from a Boston beach. Rating: -∞.
 
@@ -36,7 +35,7 @@ The only redeeming thing about Maseeh is by far is its oyster crackers. And that
 
 Next House is probably the best, mainly because the competition is so terrible. There's stir-fry, which is sort of the holy grail of MIT dining, because it's a solid 9 and is exceptionally difficult to come across unless you follow three simple steps. 1) Check the [serial liar Carbon Appetite online menu](https://mit.cafebonappetit.com/cafe/next/) to make sure there's stir-fry today. Go to Next Dining at 5:25, 5:47, or 7:47. 3) Wait for 15 minutes. 4) Profit. 5) (optional) Get kicked out of Next Dining because you tried to put a giant leaf twice the size of the pan in your stir-fry.
 
-This has spawned the "Three Stir-fry Challenge" (not to be confused with the lesser "Three Fry Challenge"), which is basically eat three full plates of stir-fry without dying in a single meal. It's only been completed half of a time so far. Who knows, maybe you'll be the 1.5-st person to complete it!
+This has spawned the "Three Stir-fry Challenge" (not to be confused with the lesser "Three Fry Challenge"), which is basically eat three full plates of stir-fry without dying in a single meal. It's only been completed half of a time so far. Who knows, maybe you'll be the first to actually complete it!
 
 Now back to oyster crackers. As terrible as MIT dining sounds, each dining halls has some escape hatches so you don't have to go hungry, including oranges, cereal, oyster crackers, and POG juice. Highly recommended. Unfortunately, the supply of escape hatches at Next has been overfished, so oyster crackers are currently extinct there until the dining staff attempts a species revival project. Overall, Next is a 9.