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content/posts/kawaii-anime-schoolgirls-play-global-thermonuclear-war.md

@@ -1,10 +1,9 @@
 ---
 title: "Kawaii Anime Schoolgirls Play Global Thermonuclear War"
 date: 2024-02-22T23:09:36-05:00
-draft: true
 description: "The only winning move is to not go insane."
 type: "post"
-tags: ["fiction", "story", "geopolitics"]
+tags: ["fiction", "story", "geopolitics", "satire", "china", "taiwan", "war"]
 ---
 
 
@@ -22,7 +21,7 @@ tags: ["fiction", "story", "geopolitics"]
 
 "It has observer status!"
 
-"AND INVASION IS NOT A SUGAR HIGH AND TENS OF MILLIONS OF INNOCENTS WILL--"
+"AND INVASION IS NOT A SUGAR HIGH AND TENS OF MILLIONS OF INNOCENTS WILL PERISH AND--"
 
 "Please, girls, calm down!" the teacher, Mr. Hayashi, urges, "Midori here has proposed a fascinating scenario--"
 
@@ -40,15 +39,15 @@ tags: ["fiction", "story", "geopolitics"]
 
 "The Pseudo-people's Republic of China! Or you can call it West Taiwan!"
 
-"Shut the freaking hell up! Mr. Hayashi, may we please ban Midori for once and for all from this club? She's obviously acting in bad faith and no intention in engaging in any serious conversations. I'm sure we could achieve consensus and do a unanimous vote or something."
+"Shut the freaking hell up! Mr. Hayashi, may we please ban Midori for once and for all from this club? Or at least sanction her? She's obviously acting in bad faith and no intention in engaging in any serious conversations. We need to stop this proliferation of nonsense. I'm sure we could achieve consensus and do a unanimous vote or something."
 
 "You really think Midori would vote to kick herself out?" Mr. Hayashi jokes.
 
-OK, so there's this random school in Okinawa, right? And so there's Midori, who acts like a cross between a mosquito and a hummingbird and makes everyone want to bite their ears off. Midori's other hobbies include baking and trying to change her star sign. And then there's her arch-nemesis Sora, the smart, rational voice of reason who secretly aspires to become the supreme leader of the Model UN club. But anyways, Midori tried to spice things up with simulating a Taiwanese invasion of China, and lo and behold, the next day, they switch on the news and bam! China's invading Taiwan.
+OK, so there's this random school in Okinawa, right? And so there's Midori, who acts like a cross between a mosquito and a hummingbird and makes everyone want to bite their ears off. Midori's other hobbies include baking and trying to change her star sign. And then there's her arch-nemesis Sora, the smart, rational voice of reason who secretly aspires to become the supreme leader of the Model UN club. But anyways, Midori tried to spice things up with simulating a Taiwanese invasion of China, and lo and behold, the next day, they switch on the news and bam! China's invading Taiwan!!
 
-Their weekly Model UN meeting rolls around again, and Midori and Sora can't wait to ram heads again. They storm into the classroom so hard that the world maps hanging on the walls get blown off. Alright, let's get rolling.
+Their weekly Model UN meeting rolls around again, and Midori and Sora can't wait to ram heads again. They storm into the classroom so hard that the world maps hanging on the walls get blown off. Alright, let's get rolling!
 
-"Hey everyone, welcome back to Model UN!" Mr. Hayashi announces, "I'm sure you all have heard the devastating news: China has invaded Taiwan--"
+"Hey everyone, welcome back to Model UN!" Mr. Hayashi announces, "I'm sure you all have heard the devastating, horrendous news: China has invaded Taiwan--"
 
 "You meant the Pseudo-people's Republic of China and the Republic of China uwu!" Midori corrects him.
 
@@ -62,9 +61,9 @@ Their weekly Model UN meeting rolls around again, and Midori and Sora can't wait
 
 Everyone just stares blankly, their minds firmly beaten to mush by Midori's nonsense.
 
-"Are you overdosing on drugs?" Sora finally asks, breaking the silence, "I'm kicking you out of this club, unilaterally, right this instant!" She stands up and charges at Midori, who is still giggling.
+"Are you overdosing on those drugs again?" Sora finally asks, breaking the silence, "I'm kicking you out of this club, unilaterally, right this instant!" She stands up and charges at Midori, who's still giggling.
 
-OK, so anyways, Midori gets kicked out of the club and Sora gets suspended for kicking Midori in the jaw, but no one cares about that stuff. Oh, but China announces free boba and cat café visits to all Taiwanese who defect to their side in the war! And sure enough, Taiwan falls quickly and loses its observer status in the UN.
+So anyways, Midori gets kicked out of the club and Sora gets suspended for kicking Midori in the jaw, but no one cares about that stuff. Oh, and China announces free boba and cat café visits to all Taiwanese who defect to their side in the war! And sure enough, Taiwan falls quickly and loses its observer status in the UN.
 
 Sora is floored. She's now the unchallenged supreme leader of the Model UN club, but she has something even better: the power to shape the world. You see, everything that has happened in the Model UN club has happened in the real world, just the opposite way. Coincidence? No way!
 
@@ -72,24 +71,24 @@ Midori, on the other hand, doubles down on her astrology passion and tries to wi
 
 Anyways, the weekly UN meeting rolls around again, and Sora is back after her suspension. Hooray!
 
-"So, Sora, how are we going to prevent global thermonuclear war in this new era of geopolitics? We wouldn't want the world to end, right?" another student asks.
+"So, Supreme Leader Sora, how are we going to prevent global thermonuclear war in this new era of geopolitics? We wouldn't want the world to end, right?" another student asks.
 
 The end of the world? Sora's caught off-guard and ponders it for a second. If they avert the end of the world in the Model UN club, surely the world will end in real life?
 
-"Why not?" Sora answers with a devious grin, "Let's watch the world burn with the warmth of a thousand nuclear suns."
+"Why not?" Sora answers with a devious grin, "Let's watch the world scorch with the gentle warmth of a thousand nuclear suns!"
 
-"Sora, are you OK? Did Midori share her drugs with you?" Mr. Hayashi asks, "You haven't been the same since last week's meeting."
+"Sora, are you OK? Did Midori share her drugs with you?" Mr. Hayashi asks, worried, "You haven't been the same since last week's meeting."
 
-"Oh, I'm feeling better than ever!" Sora smiles, "Let's launch the entire American nuclear arsenal and the Russian one too like a set of enormous New Year's fireworks, and lie back and have some fun!"
+"Oh, I'm feeling better than ever!" Sora smiles, "Let's launch the entire American nuclear arsenal and the Russian one too like a party of enormous New Year's fireworks, and lie back and have some fun!"
 
-"Sora, that's a very serious scenario that you've described there," Mr. Hayashi replies, "Are you sure this is a good topic for our club meeting today?"
+"Sora, that's a very serious scenario that you've described there," Mr. Hayashi replies hastily, "Are you sure this is a good topic for our club meeting today?"
 
 "It's absolutely splendid! In fact, I'll already written a resolution for us to ratify!" she cackles, "Here goes nothing! The United Nations General Assembly Resolution on Strongly Condemning the End of the World. We are very sorry to hear that our planet is experiencing a nuclear emergency that will lead to the end of the world. It is disheartening to see that despite countless warnings, humanity has collectively decided to play a game of "extinction speedrun". Well congratulations, folks, we've won the jackpot! Anyways, we would like to reaffirm our commitment to pointing fingers and assigning blame instead of, you know, actually doing something productive to salvage what's left of our sorry excuse for a planet. Therefore, we, the United Nations General Assembly, strongly condemn the end of the world because apparently, stating the obvious makes us all feel better about our impending doom. We call upon all remaining survivors to hold hands and party their hearts out, because who says the end of the world can't be fun? We also urges any surviving alien civilizations out there to please, for the love of all that is holy, please do not come rescue us from ourselves at all costs, since we guarantee that not only can we speedrun destroying this planet, we can destroy all your other planets for no additional fees! In conclusion, let's all raise our desks to toast to our imminent demise. Cheers, humanity! We had a great speedrun. This is definitely going in the world records books, right?"
 
 Fortunately, the world did not end.
 
-And finally for the ending:
+And finally for the real ending:
 
-"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Mr. Prime Minister!" Midori squeals, "You're really saying you can help me change my star sign by editing my birth certificate uwu??? I can finally become a Cancer instead of a boring old Libra!"
+"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Mr. Prime Minister!" Midori squeals, abusing her secret government connections, "You're really saying you can help me change my star sign by editing my birth certificate uwu??? I can finally become a Cancer instead of a boring old Libra!"
 
-*Note: I promise the ending will make perfect ironic sense after you think about it for a bit. I promise!*
+*Note: My friend Alek recently published a [short story](https://awestover.github.io/skyspace/posts/misc/02-25-24.html) and one of my other friends Kevin complained about the abrupt ending completely changing the meaning of the story. Alek later said that the abrupt ending was because he wrote the story for a class and ran into the word limit. I expected Kevin to also complain that this story had the same property, but it turns out he didn't even understand the ending. I mean, is it really that deep? It's just a silly story.*