Anthony Wang
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32 lines
3 KiB
Markdown
32 lines
3 KiB
Markdown
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title: "Ennui"
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date: 2023-03-10T03:09:25Z
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description: "The deep, dark secret of IOI winners"
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type: "post"
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tags: ["fiction", "story", "short-story", "competitive-programming", "ioi", "shaggy-dog-story", "monk-joke", "fun", "humor"]
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---
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Oh, great. Another doe-eyed rebellious anime girl to add to the endless parade of generics that litter the media landscape. Ennui, huh? Well, isn't that just perfect.
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Ennui had a seething hatred for modern society, because honestly, who doesn't? She despised the endless monotonicity, er, I meant monotony, of her life and the only emotion she could feel nowadays was boredom. Endless, dull, tedious boredom!
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One day, Ennui had the brilliant idea of running away from home and going for a joyride on the Trans-Siberian Railway. Because, you know, nothing screams excitement quite like sitting in a cramped, musty train for days on end.
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After breaking multiple countries' multiple laws, the first five seconds aboard the train were a flurry of excitement, but boredom returned as quickly as it had departed. Suddenly, out of the corner of her eye, Ennui noticed a visibly troubled young man with an exceptionally bad haircut. Since she had nothing better to do, Ennui roasted his hairstyle, but the man took it as a compliment, and they struck up a slightly less boring conversation.
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He introduced himself as [Ben Qi](https://web.archive.org/web/20230526184241/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Qi), a three-time International Olympiad in Informatics winner, as if anyone cares. Yeah, I'm sure Ennui was just thrilled to have met such an exciting and charming individual.
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But wait, it gets even better! Ennui nosily asked Ben Qi what was bothering him, because that's totally a question you ask a stranger you just met 30 seconds ago. Ben Qi just replied cryptically, "I have a secret. A deep, dark, beleaguering secret gnawing away at my soul. And I'll tell you what it is, if and only if, you become an IOI winner like me."
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So, because Ennui was so utterly bored with life, she immersed herself into IOI training, living and breathing Dijkstra's algorithm, AVX2-accelerated segment trees, and the Knuth-Yao DP speedup. Robert Tarjan the algorithm man soon started haunting her dreams.
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And then, surprise surprise, she actually won the IOI! Because, you know, that's totally realistic.
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Long at last, the moment had come. Ben Qi smiled proudly and said, "Congrats Ennui! You're now an IOI winner! And now I must fulfill my side of the biconditional. I'm going to reveal to you my secret."
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Ennui leaned forward eagerly, her heart pounding with anticipation. Finally! She had waited so long, sacrificed so much, suffered through so many Robert Tarjan nightmares! Finally!
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Ben Qi took a deep breath and ponderously whispered in a hushed tone--Oh wait, I must interrupt! You see, dear reader, I cannot reveal to you what Ben Qi's secret is. Why, you ask? Well, simply put, unlike Ennui, you are not an IOI winner.
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*To give credit where credit's due, this is a variant of the infamous monk joke.*
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